With the Christmas holiday season, there’s plenty of time to hang out with the wife on the couch all day and watch movies. She’s always been a big Lord Of The Rings fan, so we decided to watch the entire trilogy. Between you and me, I’m much more of a Star Wars guy, but I went along with the 9 hour endeavor. Happy wife, happy life, right? As we started the movies, I remembered that a useless, scumbag violent career criminal intentionally ingested a lethal amount of narcotics to hide it from the police and overdosed himself in police custody a couple years ago in Minneapolis. Remember? Anyway, I remember the day after that turd overdosed himself, the ENTIRE PLANET went mental. Instantly, everything white people do or ever did became “racist.” Things like, being on time, working hard, going to school, having an intact family, saving money, breathing, speaking, being alive all became “racist” overnight. One of the things I remember the never rending swarm of woke locusts descending upon was the Lord Of The Rings movies. The movies are an adaptation of books by J.R.R. Tolkien that first came out around 1937. The woke leftist ethnomasochists were furious because, GASP, most of the characters in the make-believe, fantasy world, fictional books were white! Oh the horror, the HORROR! The protestors were obviously angry about the movies too, for a couple of reasons. All of the white characters were portrayed as light skinned, blue eyed, fair haired, intelligent, compassionate, brave people living in their individual homogenous, thriving and peaceful kingdoms. All of the villains were “dark-skinned,” brutally violent, unintelligent and sought to destroy everyone and everything around them. Hmmmmm. Sound familiar?
I decided to watch the movies (for only the second time, so my knowledge of the characters is somewhat limited) through the lens of “racism.” I mean, the left watches EVERYTHING through the lens of race, so how hard could it be? So there’s this main bad guy named, Sauron. He seeks to destroy everything and become the absolute ruler of Middle Earth. He will destroy anyone or anything that refuses to capitulate to and worship him. Sauron is the Black Lives Matter of the movie. Now, Sauron will need help from lots of other people to achieve his goal of world domination. A puppet, if you will. Sauron corrupts the mind of the once great white wizard, Saruman. Saruman has a lust for power and will essentially sell his soul to appease Sauron to maintain his own power within the new regime. Saruman sells out his own friends and immediately swears allegiance to the evil Sauron. Saruman is the Joe Biden of the movies. As King Theoden says, “How did it come to this?” Sound familiar?
There are little Hobbits in the films. There’s Frodo, Samwise, Pippin, and Merry. They have been given a task to destroy something of great power. Something that is so dark and evil, it is capable of destroying all of Middle Earth with its immense and dark influence. If Frodo and his buddies can’t destroy this evil thing, Sauron will most certainly take possession of it and make it even more powerful than it already is. Frodo and company must make a long, arduous, and very dangerous trip to destroy this object, but they know it is what has to be done if Middle Earth is to be saved from total darkness and destruction. So off they go on their quest. Their quest to destroy and eliminate the most destructive and divisive thing in all of Middle Earth. It is the ring of White Guilt. Sound familiar?
As our hero Hobbits go about their adventure, they go through many different kingdoms of many different species of creatures. There are dwarves, elves, and men among others. In each kingdom they come across, there is a clearly identified leader, or wise man/woman who gives them advice on their quest. The kingdoms they encounter are all homogenous and peaceful with gorgeous and ornate architecture, ancient books, and warm, inviting, intelligent conversations. Each of the kingdoms is aware of the impending doom of the evil Black Lives Matter, er, I mean, Sauron and is taking measures to prepare themselves for the coming invasion of dark-skinned, violent, destructive, brain dead orcs, knowing full well that such an invasion will destroy their peaceful communities forever. As one of the brave human fighters says, “It is an army built for a single purpose. To destroy the world of man.” Sound familiar?
Realizing that an invasion is imminent, the different kingdoms decide to put aside their petty differences and unite as one force with a common goal: Defeat Sauron and his lackey Saruman and in the process, destroy the ring that is giving the power to these evil forces. I think you’re following me now.
Meanwhile, Saruman has created a giant refinery to create crude and brutal weapons for his rapidly hatching orc army. As orc after orc is created and more weapons are manufactured, the surrounding, once green forest is now razed to the ground by flame and filth, rendering the area completely uninhabitable. Once Saruon feels his army is strong enough, he launches a march across Middle Earth destroying anything and anyone in their path. Each kingdom the orcs descend upon is leveled and burned, leaving behind only the charred hulls of once great buildings and the bodies of the inhabitants who once peacefully dwelled there. The orcs do not even take pause at their violent destruction and simply move on to the next unsuspecting kingdom. As Pippen the Hobbit says, “All that was once green and good in the world will be gone.” Sound familiar?
Finally, in order to survive, the different kingdoms of horrible, non-diverse, fair skinned, light haired creatures unite as a people against a common enemy. The enemy at the gates, if you will. They realize that if they don’t work together, all will be lost. To save their way of life, to protect the lives of their innocent women and children, and to preserve the magnificent cities and culture they’ve each created, they must stand and fight. In the end and against incredible odds, they are victorious. The ring of white guilt is cast back into the very flames from which it was created, imploding the power of the evil Sauron and eliminating the power hungry alliance between he and Saruman. It is only then that the good people of Middle Earth can live in peace and prosperity. Sound familiar?
